what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
