i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
