Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
