Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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