it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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