We won't sleep together?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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