I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
