Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
