he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We left the knife in your bed.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
