Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I touched a dick in church today
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
