grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i've created a new STD.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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