trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
