Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
