My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize