You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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