it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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