I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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