i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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