I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
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I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
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Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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