I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
