You just made me feel so damn special
I don't think brook has ever known best
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
