How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
