I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize