She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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