Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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