I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm always down for nudity.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
