If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
