so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
