im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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