sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
