Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize