your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
