You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
