I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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