Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
