Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
