You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
As shirtless as possible
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
this hospital has no fireball
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Who died my cat blue again?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
