My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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