Will you blow on my dice?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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