I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
