Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
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all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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