so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
