i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
