Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
