This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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