thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
