Having a random hookup so left but love u
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
