Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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