i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
