You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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