so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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