If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
