i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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