my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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