It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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