Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm bleeding and have questions
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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