Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
