he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
