Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
