margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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