Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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