4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
