Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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