That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
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Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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