I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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