All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
