i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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