your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
