so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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